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March 01, 2006

My Line is Dead

Funeral directors (we don't seem to call them undertakers any more!) have reported a rather strange trend developing: family placing mobile phones in the casket with their loved one at the time of burial. Now this could spark a plethora of comments to do with battery life, reception, and call charges, but I'll resist. It is clear that mobile phone companies are charging too little for the handsets!

But what does this say about the valued memories of a loved one: we could never talk to them because they were always on the phone? The only decent conversation we could have with them was on the phone, but never in person?

Ahh, I should have read the fine print at the bottom of the article in this morning's Age newspaper. Apparently the line has to be dead (good thing. Imagine one of these intelligent phones making its own call: "Help! I've been buried alive!" Or what recorded message would be stored on Messagebank: "You have called the casket/phone of Fred Bloggs. Fred can't take your call right now because he's dead. Leave a message after the tone and St Peter will get back to you..." Also the battery has to be removed - don't want to turn the cremation into a fireworks display - there's no-one alive to appreciate the pyrotechnics). However one has to question the IQ of the funeral director whose comments are recorded: "We don't allow the battery to remain... And we don't allow the phone to be turned on..." HELLO! NO BATTERY? HOW CAN YOU TURN ON A PHONE WHICH HAS NO BATTERY? Really!

Which brings me to the best story I've heard about additions to the casket... A very rich man died, his will leaving instructions that all his wealth was to be buried with him. When questioned about this, the son indicated he had no problems with the request. Upon further interrogation, the son indicated that he had put all his father's wealth into the casket: he had written out his personal cheque for the full amount!

Posted by gary at March 1, 2006 08:28 AM


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